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|Mary Gorham Malia • 9/25/14|
This is it. Finally you’re hitting the road with that gorgeous lesbian you’ve been dating. Or maybe you’ve finally convinced that lesbian you met online who lives far away to meet you to celebrate New Year’s Eve. It’s time to pack and pack right.
Packing takes on a couple of connotations here. We need to pack our luggage to travel, and depending on your queer persuasion, you could be packing something special in your suitcase.
Packing your luggage doesn’t need to be complicated, but you might want to consider how to manage that special equipment you share with your lesbian lover.
From vibrators to strap-ons and everything in between, if you’re flying, a TSA employee is going to be looking at what you’ve got in your bags.
If you’re super lucky, they won’t be pulling it out in front of a thousand other travelers during a security search.
Now the first thing to remember is TSA employees have seen it all. I mean it.
They have seen anything and everything you’re going to stash in your bag or on your body. So just relax about your sex toys. TSA employees know all about sex toys.
By the time a TSA employee sees your special toy of the month, they’ve probably seen 10,000 more just like it or similar.
“You’ve got nothing to be afraid of.”
I’ve flown with my favorite vibrator for years. A girl needs to keep her “friends” close.
Well I used to have a battery-powered silver bullet. Unscrew one end, pop the battery in and voila.
On one rare occasion, I had checked my bag. I was all the way through security and sitting at my gate when I got called back to the ticket counter — the one outside of security.
I arrived at the ticket counter to hear my bag vibrating and a very large man asking me to please open the bag so they could examine what was making the noise.
Now I’m pretty sure he knew exactly what was in the bag. They had X-rayed the thing, so it wasn’t a big mystery.
I opened the bag and pulled back the cover to reveal my shiny bullet in the midst of my undies vibrating loudly. Well, I had to laugh.
The very tall man was very polite and told me to turn it off and perhaps take the battery out, which I did. And I took the battery out whenever I traveled with it after that little scene.
Take your batteries out of your toys.
Some toys have batteries you can’t remove!
I have a new fancy dancy vibrator. It’s waterproof and has varying speeds.
The one problem I have is it always gets turned on when I pack it in my luggage.
The only answer I’ve found now is to pack it in my carry-on bag wrapped in something soft to cushion the power button. At least this way I won’t get called back to security or the ticket counter.
Do the TSA employees see it? Darn right they do. Do they say anything about it? Not yet.
The other important thing to pack when traveling is lube. All good toys need good lube. So remember to get the travel size or those cute little onesie-sized packages.
You all know how to pack clothes and other sundries. But like all good lesbians, you’ve got to travel with your favorite toys.
I hope my experiences and these tips can convince you that traveling with toys is a simple and straightforward process.
You’ve got nothing to be afraid of. Get packed. Get on that plane. And get the girl!! Enjoy.
Photo source: worldette.com